Saturday, July 25, 2009

Laziness Taken to a Whole New Level

The future is here: introducing "Selfy the Easy Bed" a bed that makes itself. Brilliant inventor Enrico Berruti has made a career of catering to the niche market of extremely lazy people. Don't get me wrong, Selfy is a slothful masterpiece, but I'm afraid there's one small problem with his plan. Horrendously lazy people like myself are too lazy to make the bed, but our laziness also causes us to not really care about messy beds. Lazy people are very rarely neat freaks, because being neat takes some modicum of effort. Still this invention still has some value, just think of the tucking in capabilities.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Slow Motion Sneezes

0:00-0:57 mildly erotic
0:57-1:36 hilarious

Australia always has the best commercials

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Oliver the Humanzee

Oliver was caught in the rain forests of the Congo and sold to Frank and Janet Berger at the age of two. The Berger's had a dog, chimp, pony and pig act, and were regularly featured on the Ed Sullivan show. Oliver was shunned by the other chimps in the act because of his odd physical traits. His head was smaller than a normal chimpanzee's, he had less hair, a slightly less pronounced jaw, rounded ears, a unique scent, and he walked upright like a human. Oliver wasn't just different physically, but behaviorally as well.
"You could send him on chores. He would take the wheelbarrow and empty the hay and straw from the stalls. And when it was time to feed the dogs, he would get the pans, and mix the dog food for me. I'd get it ready and he'd mix it. This guy, Oliver, he enjoyed sitting down at night and having a drink, and watching television. He'd mix his own. He'd pour a shot of whiskey and put some Seven-Up in there, stir it and drink it,'' Janet Berger recalled.
Trouble came when Oliver reached maturity, he took... nevermind, I know who my readers are, you guys just want to see some fucked up humanzee pictures don't you.